The Vitamin That Guarantees Weight Loss

The following is an amalgam of dozens of conversations I’ve had with clients.

Jason: Remind me about your wellness goals.

Client: (sigh) I want to lose weight.

Jason: What would losing weight bring to your life?

Client: (smiling) Less pounds.

Jason: (smiling) What else?

Client: I’d feel better about myself.

Jason: Say more.

Client: I don’t like how I feel. I feel ugly.

Jason: Say more.

Client: You know, people don’t like fat people. I feel like I’m always on the outside looking in.

Jason: Outside of what? Looking in on what?

Client: Life. The good life.

Jason: What’s the good life to you?

Client: Relationships.

Jason: What do you enjoy most about relationships?

Client: Everything. I mean, I’m a people person. I love spending time with people. I love being close with people.

Jason: Neat.

Client: (getting a little emotional) But I don’t do it much. I keep to myself a lot.

Jason: I hear you.

Client: It’s my worst nightmare to be alone. (sigh)

Jason: What do you want when it comes to relationships?

Client: I want someone to be there for me and for me to be there for them. To be able to count on each other. To go through life together.

Jason: What would that bring to your life?

Client: Oh, I think it would be great. I think everything about it would be great. Of course, I know relationships have their challenges. I know there’d be hard times too. But I think it would be amazing.

Jason: Do you have any relationships like that now? Or have you had any relationships like that in the past?

Client: (surprised) Oh, yeah, I guess I do in some ways. Olivia and I have been friends since second grade, and we talk all the time. My parents have always been there for me. I get along with most of the people I work with, and we sometimes get together outside of work.

Jason: So you’re already in some fulfilling relationships.

Client: I guess I wasn’t seeing that. It feels good to acknowledge that. But it’s different too. Those people kind of have to be in my life.

Jason: I hear you.

Client: I want someone to truly love me.

Jason: Say more.

Client: I want someone to pick me. I want someone to love me unconditionally. I want to be with someone I can completely be myself with and have it be okay.

Jason: (nodding) It sounds like you want to be accepted for who you are.

Client: Yes! I want to be with someone who considers me okay just the way I am!

Jason: I hear you loud and clear.

Client: That would be so awesome!

Jason: May I ask you a question that might challenge you a little?

Client: (a little reluctant but trusting) Sure.

Jason: What kind of acceptance is there in your relationship with yourself?

Client: Good question. (after a brief pause) I think I accept myself. Sort of. I don’t know. (getting a little emotional) I’ve kind of always hated my body. I’m very hard on myself. I say things to myself I’d never say to anyone else. I mean, I want to accept myself, but I don’t think I do.

Jason: I hear you.

Client: I really don’t like being fat. I’m supposed to have a perfect body and look a certain way. I’ve been told that my whole life.

Jason: What’s that like?

Client: Impossible! It’s absolutely impossible! It’s like I can’t win. I mean, I might be able to lose the weight I want to lose. But I’ll still never be perfect. I mean, I’m 36. I already have wrinkles and gray hairs. Even if I lose the weight I want to lose, I’ll always have flaws.

Jason: It seems like you feel a lot of pressure to look a certain way.

Client: It’s exhausting! Utterly exhausting!

Jason: It seems like it’s a big load for you to carry.

Client: I hate it! I absolutely hate it!

Jason: (after a brief pause) It seems like you’re fed up with it.

Client: Totally! What the f***? I’m intelligent. I’m a hard worker. I’m a good person. And, yet, it seems like all that matters is my weight. The pressure is eating me alive.

Jason: (after a brief pause) Are you up for exploring some other ways of approaching this?

Client: Definitely! Pushing myself to lose weight and get “a perfect body” so I can accept myself and feel good hasn’t worked no matter how hard I’ve tried, and I know I can’t keep doing it.

Jason: May I ask you another question that might challenge you?

Client: Yes.

Jason: What would it be like for you to accept yourself as you are right now?

Client: I had a hunch we were going there.

Jason: What’s it like to go there?

Client: It’s a mixed bag. For a long time, I’ve thought losing weight was the key to accepting myself and feeling good. The idea of giving that up is a bit scary. But I feel something else too. A sense of relief. A weight off my shoulders. I mean, I think this is what I’ve wanted all along.

Jason: What have you wanted all along?

Client: (sigh) To accept myself as I am. Damn, it feels good to say that.

Jason: What does it feel like?

Client: Again, like a weight off my shoulders. Like I’m releasing a huge burden. I didn’t know this was an option. (sigh)

Jason: You seem more relaxed.

Client: (sigh) I am. I feel like I have some options now.

Jason: Say more.

Client: It’s like my whole life doesn’t have to depend on me losing weight. During our first session, I set some goals besides losing weight. But I’ve mostly been paying lip service to them since then. But now they seem a bit more appealing. I mean, what if I keep working on eating better and exercising more, but it’s not all about losing weight?

Jason: Say more.

Client: Well, I want to have more energy. I want to be able to go hiking and not be so out of breath. I love hiking. (after a brief pause) I want to set myself up for a long, happy, healthy life. It’s not all about weight.

Jason: I hear you.

Client: And I can accept myself as I am right now!

Jason: (smiling) You said that like you meant it.

Client: (smiling) It feels so good!

Jason: Yeah, acceptance is extremely nourishing. You need it. I need it. Everyone needs it. It’s like a vitamin. I sometimes call it “vitamin A”. We need acceptance like we need vitamins. It’s essential to our well-being. In fact, vitamin A might be the most important nutrient there is. Without vitamin A, life can be very hard.

Client: (smiling) I like that analogy. (after a brief pause) So, like, I think I can keep working on my eating and exercise habits, and keep working on taking great care of myself in general, while also working on accepting myself as I am. Is that possible?

Jason: You tell me.

Client: I think I can do it! It already feels like it’ll be easier. When it’s all about losing weight, the pressure mounts. I feel like I’m white-knuckling it. But if I work on accepting myself as I am and have other goals besides losing weight, I think it’ll actually be easier to lose weight.

Jason: Neat.

Client: I mean. I like to eat well. I like to exercise. I want to take great care of myself. Without the pressure of it being all about losing weight, I think I’ll be able to be more consistent. And losing weight and keeping it off is inevitable if I consistently do those things. I’ve always thought I had to hate myself in order to motivate myself. But I think accepting myself as I am might actually be more motivating.

Jason: Neat.

Client: I have to say, I think I’m going to be a work in progress with this whole accepting-myself-as-I-am thing. But it already feels good. And it seems like everything else will be easier.

Jason: Yeah, it’ll be a process. Things like this can take time. We’ll work on it together.

Client: Thank you.

Jason: You’re welcome.

Client: (smiling) This feels good.

Jason: (after a brief pause) (smiling) How about we work together to make your wellness plan for the coming weeks with this in mind?

Client: Yeah, that sounds good. I think I want to build in a hike. I think I could start working on my relationships more too. I don’t think I need to wait.

About Jason Gootman
Jason Gootman is a Mayo Clinic Certified Wellness Coach and National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach as well as a certified nutritionist and certified exercise physiologist. Jason helps people reverse and prevent type-2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and other ailments with evidence-based approaches to nutrition, exercise, stress reduction, holistic wellness, and, most importantly, lasting behavior improvement and positive habit formation. As part of this work, Jason often helps people lose weight and keep it off, in part by helping them overcome the common challenges of yo-yo dieting and emotional eating. Jason helps people go from knowing what to do and having good intentions to consistently taking great care of themselves in ways that help them add years to their lives and life to their years.